Neverland Page 14

  But he just smiles. “I’ve been called worse.”

  “So you’re Livy’s,” Sheila says, grinning.

  Meyer smiles at me and my face erupts into flames. I want nothing more than to duck my head and hurry past the tiki torches set up along the patio, out to where the darkness would welcome me with open arms and sealed lips. That’s what I love about the shadows of life, they never ask questions. My face continues to burn with embarrassment as I contemplate just how to disappear. My eyes narrow, silently communicating to Sheila how little I’m appreciating this, but she ignores me.

  Meyer holds out his hand for her to shake. “I’m Meyer. You must be Sheila.” But she doesn’t take it.

  “Well, look at that. Livy’s got herself a gentleman. With a cute accent too.” She smiles at me and then rolls her eyes at my glare. “What? It’s cute!” She sidles up next to him and adds, “You’re cute.”

  “Glad to hear I meet your approval,” Meyer drawls and Sheila giggles.

  “Say approval again!”

  “Uh…” Meyer’s mouth lifts in a crooked smile, his eyes flashing in my direction. “Approval,” he says and Sheila squeals with delight.

  She sways a bit closer and I realize with a shock that she’s drunk. She grips his shoulder while her body continues to sway slightly. I’ve never seen Sheila drunk. I didn’t even know she drank. She never drank before. With me. And of all the nights to find out…

  “Well done, Livy!” she says, her face far too close to Meyer’s. “Where are you from? I’ve been asking, but Livy won’t tell me.” She frowns in my direction, her eyes seeking me out. “She used to tell me everything.”

  “Sheila.” I take a step closer but she puts up a hand, stopping me.

  “No, Livy. We’re talking. Stay over there.”

  Meyer raises an eyebrow and I shrug, but I do as she says.

  “I didn’t even know about you,” she tells him. “I had a su-spi…sus-pish…suspicion,” she finally gets the word out and then she breaks into hysterical laughter. “That’s such a silly word!”

  “Sheila?” Grant walks up and joins our group, barely glancing my way in greeting. His eyes are on his girlfriend.

  “There you are!” Sheila exclaims. “See that one,” she stage-whispers to Meyer, pointing over her shoulder at Grant. “He’s mine. Isn’t he cute?”

  Meyer gives Grant an apologetic smile. “He seems nice.”

  “He is nice,” Sheila says with a dramatic sigh. “But he doesn’t have a cute accent.”

  “Sheila,” Grant says again, this time with feeling. “Would you mind letting go of Livy’s date?”

  “Would I mind?” Sheila is petting him now, her hand brushing over his shoulder as if he’s a house cat. I can’t blame her actually. He does have nice shoulders. And arms. “She used to tell me everything, you know,” she continues. “She used to be my best friend.”

  Used to be? I take a step closer and her eyes flash in my direction.

  “Now she’s too wrapped up in saving the world, she can’t be bothered with me.”

  “Sheila!” I gasp.

  “What!” She’s glaring at me now. Her brown eyes flashing a hurt she’s never once directed at me before. Her hands are bunched up in Meyer’s dark hoodie. “It’s true and you know it.” She aims her body in my direction while Meyer holds her up. “It’s like we — I’m not enough for you,” she mumbles. But I hear her. And so does Meyer. “I begged her to come tonight,” she says to him. “Did she tell you that? I had to beg my supposed best friend to spend some time with me.”

  I flinch and that layer of guilt that surrounds me every time I think of my father or Jenna stretches taut as it welcomes Sheila to the fold.

  “It’s not like that—” I begin but Grant cuts me off.

  “That’s enough.” He brushes past me and removes his girlfriend from Meyer’s chest. “I’m sorry,” he says to Meyer. “She isn’t usually like this.”

  “No,” Sheila giggles. “I’m usually much more fun.”

  “No worries,” Meyer says, his eyes on me.

  “I mean, I know you’re sad, Livy.” Sheila calls back over her shoulder. “And I know you think those kids need you.” She’s staring right at me as her words carry over the noise of the party. “But what about me?” She stops just shy of the trees, her voice cracking. “Did you ever think of that? That maybe I need you?”

  I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach. Does Sheila really believe that? And if so, how come she’s never said anything? I know I haven’t been around much lately, but I thought she understood.

  Meyer walks up beside me, but he doesn’t say a word. We watch in silence as Grant drags Sheila out of hearing range. Grant really isn’t into scenes. But then again, neither am I.

  “So. Those are your friends, eh?” Meyer says and I flinch.

  “They aren’t usually like this,” I whisper. “I didn’t know she …” I stop and shake my head. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Doesn’t it?”

  My silence is his answer.

  “She seems pretty upset about something.”

  “I didn’t realize.” And I hadn’t. How could I have? I’ve been so caught up in my own sadness, I never gave a second thought to Sheila’s feelings. “She always seems so strong. So put together. Even when her parents divorced she didn’t seem to need anyone.”

  Then it hits me. She’s just like my mother. She’s brave and strong and solid to the rest of the world but inside she’s weak like me.

  “Livy?”

  I turn at the familiar voice and find my ex-boyfriend, Scott, standing just behind me.

  His smile is big, even for him. “I thought that was you.”

  “Hey, Scott,” I say, not quite over the last scene with Sheila, and definitely not prepared to introduce Meyer to my ex.

  “Hey,” he says just standing there. He doesn’t introduce me to the girl at his side. He just keeps on smiling at me. “I didn’t expect to run into you.”

  “Yeah,” I sigh. Likewise.

  “It’s so great to see you.”

  “I’m Livy,” I say to his date when he still doesn’t offer up her name and the pause in conversation goes beyond awkward. “And this is Meyer.”

  “Shay,” she says smiling at Meyer, but not quite acknowledging me. She brushes her blonde hair off her shoulder, and leans a bit closer to Scott.

  “Nice to meet you,” Meyer says and Shay giggles.

  “You have an accent,” she says.

  “So I’ve heard.”

  Shay giggles again.

  “I’m so glad to see you,” Scott says. “Wait. Did I say that already?” He laughs and I laugh. But neither Meyer nor Shay finds it amusing. Shay presses herself up against Scott, slipping her hand along his arm.

  “Scotty,” she coos. “I’m thirsty.”

  “Okay,” Scott answers, but I’m not sure he actually heard her. He still hasn’t taken his eyes off me. “You look good, Livy. I mean, it’s good to see you out.”

  Out? Is that where I am? I thought maybe this place was my own personal party-hell.

  “Yes,” Meyer drawls. “We try to let her out of her cage at least once or twice a week. Don’t we, Livy?”

  Surprised, I turn to Meyer. He’s smiling down at me, a heavy look in his eyes. He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch lingering a bit longer than necessary along the side of my face.

  I attempt to answer and then forget all about it when his eyes drop to my lips. Just like that I’m thinking about yesterday and how he kissed me. And judging from Meyer’s smile, he knows it too.

  “It was nice meeting you,” Shay says, pulling at Scott. She’s nearly moved him away when he stops and turns back.

  “See you later, Livy,” he adds, while his eyes say so much more.

  “Well, he seemed nice,” Meyer says once they’ve moved on.

  “Yeah. Nice. Scott is… nice.” That’s pretty much the word I always used to describe
him. To be honest he was nice to a fault. He took it as his personal mission to make me happy, to save me from myself, and my sadness. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have given up on me. Not like I did on him.

  “Was that another friend of yours?”

  Meyer is studying me closely, but I don’t want to talk about Scott. Not at all.

  “I want to talk about yesterday,” I say before I can chicken out.

  “Yesterday?”

  “I want to talk about how I kissed you.” There. It’s out. I’ve said it.

  Meyer is silent, his only reaction is a lone eyebrow-raise.

  “I didn’t, I mean, I wondered…”

  “Yes?” He’s smiling now, but not touching me. Which is what I really want, him touching me. Holding me. The two of us back on my roof, above the world. Alone, and yet together.

  “I like you,” I whisper. “A lot.” Wow. I didn’t see that one coming.

  Meyer’s smile slips off, dropping somewhere I can’t find it.

  “I… I thought you should know,” I continue. Now that I’ve made the leap, I may as well keep talking. “I’m sorry if I’ve made things awkward.”

  Meyer takes a step back and I feel that space between us like a slap.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I mean, I wish you would, but you don’t—”

  “Livy.”

  Oh no. I close my eyes not wanting to see his face when he tells me he doesn’t feel the same way.

  I’m expecting the band-aid to tear at my skin when he rips it off. I’m expecting his words to pierce through my heart. What I’m not expecting is his hand against my face, so when I feel it, I jerk away as though he’s hit me.

  “Livy,” he says again, softer this time. He reaches up slowly to touch me again, but then he changes his mind and his hand drops to his side.

  “There’s so much,” he begins. “So much you don’t know about me.”

  “So tell me!”

  His expression is dark. He’s battling with himself. I blink up at him, afraid to speak. For a moment I wonder if he’s battling me.

  “I can’t, “ he whispers. “It’s just that—”

  “Grant says I should apologize.” Sheila has arrived with the worst possible timing. She’s swaying less, but she’s still grinning like a psychopath.

  “Geez, Sheila!” Grant says coming up behind her. He’s glaring as if she’s hopeless, but he’s still hanging around. He always is.

  “What?” She spins around nearly knocking him over. “I’m getting there. Just settle.” She latches herself onto me. “I love you, Livy. You know I love you. I’m just so freakin’ happy to see you here! Out of your house! And with a boy!” She turns her face toward Meyer who takes a step back.

  Their presence has erased whatever it was he was about to say.

  “So don’t be mad, Livy-poo. You can’t be mad. Please.”

  Livy-poo?

  Meyer lifts an eyebrow as if to ask the same question, and I blink at him, wishing, for the first time, my best friend had some idea when to leave it alone.

  “I love parties,” Sheila giggles.

  “Who doesn’t?” Meyer says, smiling as though we weren’t just having a moment.

  Me. I don’t like parties. I’m sure of it now.

  “You live here?” he says to Grant.

  “Nah, that kid over there does. Kenny.” Grant points to the kid who greeted us at the door, who at this moment is drinking out of two red cups at the same time, spilling nearly every last drop down the front of him.

  “You been drinking?” Meyer asks.

  “Nah.” Grant gestures at Sheila. “I’m the DD.”

  “Right,” Meyer says, nodding. “You feel like jumping?”

  “Huh?” Grant says.

  “Um, what?” I say.

  Meyer points at the large rock jutting out over the water from the side lawn. “Off that.”

  “For real?” Grant says, but there’s a gleam in his eyes that tells me he’s already considering it.

  “Wait, what?” Sheila says, sobering up. “You’re going swimming? It’s like freezing in that water!”

  “It’s not like freezing,” I tell Meyer. “It is freezing.” I shake my head at him, feeling like my mother. “You can’t be serious about this, Meyer. It’s not safe.” And now I sound like her.

  Meyer glances out over Lake Washington and the flickering flames coming off the tiki torches provide enough light to see just how serious he is.

  My shoulders drop with a sigh. In my opinion what Meyer is planning is far more dangerous than anything in those red plastic cups.

  “I think this party needs something. Don’t you?” Meyer asks us.

  “I don’t know, I’m kind of enjoying myself,” I answer, glaring at him, and he laughs. “Besides, I’m pretty sure drunk teenagers and water are a bad combination. Factor in heights and… well… you’ve got yourself a mass suicide.”

  Meyer rubs his hands together. That smile of his is back. “Don’t worry, Livy. I won’t let anyone try it unless they’ve got their wits about them.”

  “Well then,” I tell him. “You may want to try a different party.”

  But Meyer isn’t listening to me. He’s already walking toward the large rock with Grant following close behind.

  “You’re crazy,” I call out once he’s reached the top.

  “Not crazy,” he yells back. “Just ready for some fun.”

  “If you don’t want to stay at this lame party, we can go!” I tell him as he circles the top of the rock, searching for the best point of entrance. “All you had to do is ask!”

  But again he just laughs.

  “Why are you doing this?” I yell. For one moment I have his complete attention. He turns from the water, his gaze finding mine in the darkness.

  “Live as if they’re going to tell stories about you,” he says. And even though I don’t agree, even though I would never jump off a rock, completely dressed, in the middle of the night — I feel his excitement. I felt it the moment I acknowledged my feelings to him. I don’t need to jump off a rock to feel some kind of an adrenaline rush. I simply had to fall in love with a boy.

  “What he said,” Grant laughs, breaking the connection between Meyer and myself. Meyer goes back to gazing down at the water, lost in his thoughts, while the cool night air rushes up around me, sending a shiver along my skin, reminding me why I hate the cold.

  “And I thought I was crazy,” Sheila says, staring up at him. “You sure you can handle this one, Livy?”

  “Not sure,” I say, but what I really mean is, I’m not sure I have a choice.

  It doesn’t take long for Meyer to gather up a posse of lemmings. They’re grouped together at the top of the large rock, occasionally glancing down into the dark water, while Sheila and I huddle together not daring to look over the side, and yet needing to be a part of it.

  “How deep is it down there?” some guy asks.

  “Deeper than it needs to be. Just jump!” yells Kenny.

  Normally I wouldn’t believe anything Kenny said, but I’ve gone swimming in this lake. It’s not the depth of the water that worries me, it’s the temperature.

  The cool breeze up on the rock is helping Sheila to sober up, or maybe it’s the distance between her and those red plastic cups. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers in my ear. “I’m sorry for the stupid things I said before. I won’t blame you if you never talk to me again. I’m surprised Grant still is.”

  “It’s alright,” I say. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a horrible friend.”

  “Not horrible,” Sheila says. “Just… I miss you.”

  Sheila leans her head on my shoulder and I welcome her warmth. “One day he’s going to stop forgiving me. And one day you’re going to realize I’m not worth it,” she whispers.

  We’re both watching as Grant and Meyer begin to peel off their layers of clothing: first sweatshirts, then shoes, followed by their socks. Once they’re barefoot and sleeveless my teeth begin t
o chatter.

  “I don’t believe in one day,” I tell her and she sighs.

  “I know you have to help Jilly,” Sheila says. “I just wonder…”

  “Wonder what?” I say. “Tell me.” I’m so tired of people keeping things from me.

  “I just wonder how far you’ll go. How many kids you’ll try to save before you realize she isn’t coming back.”

  I close my eyes, blocking it all out: Meyer, Grant, the cold water, and drunk but brutally honest Sheila.

  “You’re so sad all the time, Livy. And I hate it! I keep hoping this thing with Jilly will fix you. I mean, not fix you. You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Of course I know what she means. She thinks I’m broken, which isn’t far from the truth, actually.

  She squeezes her arms tight around my shoulders. “You’re coming back, right? This isn’t what you’re always going to be?”

  What am I? I want to ask. What do I look like to the people who are supposed to know me best? All this time I thought I was fighting off the sadness, peeling it back so that no one can see how it surrounds me, but I guess I’m more transparent than I thought.

  “I’m trying,” I whisper back. And, man, it’s the truth.

  We stand like this a few minutes longer as the crowd beneath us continues to gather. The cold is battling its way through my raincoat but I refuse to go back inside. Not when Meyer’s out here. I just wish this new stunt of his didn’t feel like a ploy to avoid talking to me. I get that he’s all about the adventure, but for a moment there… it felt like more than just a silly game.

  “Is he really going to jump?” Sheila asks. “It seems a bit extreme, even for a party.”

  “He’s really going to jump,” I say. And then just as I’m gearing up for round two of the you-shouldn’t-do-this-Meyer! debate, he does it. He takes a running start and throws himself off the side of the cliff, down into the dark water below.

  “Holy shit,” Sheila whispers, and I nod my head in agreement.

  When Meyer breaks the surface I can’t see him but I’m sure he’s smiling. I can hear it in his voice. He yells up to the rest of us so that we know he’s okay, but for me there was never any doubt. Meyer is invincible.

  “That was awesome!” Kenny says. “I’m next!”